Jeff Pearlman, Shut the Fuck Up

Jeff Pearlman,

I love you. If you ever read this, never doubt that.

But I had to delete you off Facebook. Crying about Donald Trump with every post, or every other post, got on my ever loving nerves, my friend. You used to not be so political, but that changed. I suppose it’s because it’s a presidential election year, but still. You are a southern California liberal that fits the definition to the core. I don’t have any political party affiliations, but socially I do lean liberal. I’m just fucking sick of seeing you shit on Trump while not dishing any turds towards Hillary Clinton.

It all came to a head this morning. I was listening to Stevie Ray Vaughan’s beautiful cover of “The Things I Used to Do” and saw your bullshit pop up on my feed. No more.

“I don’t give a fuck if you delete me. Who are you?” is an appropriate response. I’m nobody. Just felt like bitching today while I listen to some of the best blues ever crafted.

“Showtime” is one of my all-time favorite books. I read it right after reading Mike Tyson’s “Undisputed”.

“Boys Will Be Boys” is among my favorites, too.

I can’t wait for your future books. Your writing is fantastic.

But for fuck’s sake, Jeff, you couldn’t be any more left. Versatility is underrated. I feel this way towards far right folks, too.

Love,

A guy that enjoys your writing

The Poor Man’s Caffeine Fix: ProLab Caffeine Tablets

First and foremost: I’m not affiliated with ProLab Nutrition in any way, shape or form. With that said, I’m a believer in hyping up products I believe in and trust.

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I buy ProLab caffeine tablets from the Vitamin Shoppe website from time to time. I always keep a fresh stock. At $5.89 per 100-count bottle, it’s a sexy ass bang for your buck. Each tablet contains 200mg of caffeine. No flash, no frills. It gets the job done. Point, blank, botom line. No horseshit added. No calories. Just pure caffeine.

Here’s the kicker: I’d much prefer drinking a VPX Bang energy drink or a SPIKE energy drink (from Biotest), but the bottom line is, energy drinks can be expensive as all get out. I have a leftover stock of Bang and SPIKE in a cooler, but I only consume sparingly, because I’m too broke to drink them consistently.

I’ve been arduously trying to cut down on my expenses recently. Over the last month and a half I’ve pretty much been living off of 1.) eggs, 2.) butter (real butter, motherfuckers), 3.) coconut oil, 4.) onions, 5.) spinach, 6.) bananas, 7.) potatoes, occasionally some coconut oil and sometimes avocados (when the local old country store has ’em for sell for 66 cents a piece). I look out for sales on cheap cuts of steak from time to time that are on sale.

Earlier this year, I pimped out Death Wish Coffee. It’s great stuff, but it’s overpriced if you are just wanting a caffeine-related jolt. $20 bucks for one pound of coffee is pretty outrageous, despite the fact that their company rocks and the customer service is kickass. If you can afford it, more power to you, but if you are trying to cut back on expenses, fuck it, pick up the ProLab caffeine tablets.

“But bro… you are not getting the same benefits from the caffeine tablets as you do from coffee! The antioxidants, mane!”

Well… the antioxidants that do exist, I feel, are highly overestimated and over-heralded. The driving force behind coffee is the caffeine, simply put.

“But you like wasting money on energy drinks from time to time?”

VPX Bang and Biotest’s SPIKE energy both offer pretty cool shit. Bang features CoQ10, amino acids, 0 calories and 300mg of caffeine. Spike, in the 8.4 ounce “Shooters” (my favorite) features 300mg of caffeine, 0 calories, L-Tyrosine, a shithorde of vitamin B12 in its most active form (methylcobalamin) and a potent stimulant in yohimbine HCl that promotes fat burn when taken on an empty stomach (due to fucking around with alpha-2-receptors)…

“All those ingredients are bullshit!”

How so? They are not going to change your life, but they add a little bit of oomph.

Anyway, I love caffeine from caffeine pills, to coffee, to energy drinks.

My biggest annoyance with coffee, on a personal level, is in the inefficiency of it all, as a consumer. I want to get up in the morning and usually consume caffeine ASAP (out of habit). Making coffee is time consuming. After making a goddamn cup (or pot), you have to wait for it to cool down enough to enjoy. For time related purposes, I like ProLab’s caffeine tablets. However, if I actually had the time, I’d consume more coffee (if available).

This whole diatribe is/was a fucking mess. I haven’t ate since yesterday at around 7 (intermittent fasting). I just wanted to pimp out ProLab’s caffeine tablets. They are excellent, and they are the best bang for your buck when you want some heavenly caffeine.